Feel the Rain
by sweetkiwi604
Summary: Because when you really love someone their happiness comes before anything else. One shot. Complete.


**Not really sure where this came from and when I started writing this it wasn't for a specific fandom but Merle kind of popped up. He's a little OOC and this might not be everyone's cup of tea but if you don't have constructive criticism to give then please keep opinions to yourself.**

Feel the Rain

"Let us spend our lives chasing the tiny moments of grace that hide in borrowed breaths, stolen glances, and the last instant before smiling lips come to rest." -Tyler Knott Gregson

There comes a time in everyone's life when they sit and reflect on the world around them. It doesn't happen at the same point for everyone and there are even the select few that the thought never crosses their mind. But most have that one moment in time when you wonder what you'll be remembered for. Will it be the size of your paycheck you earned each week and spent recklessly on expensive toys? Will it be the recipes that will never quite come out the same after you're gone because they don't have that one special ingredient you never bothered to write down? Will it be for the amount of alcohol you could consume before passing out? Maybe you'll be remembered for the way you're eyes would narrow right before an argument would ensue. No matter what it is whether it be positive or negative, inconsequential or monumental, everyone will be remembered for something.

There wasn't anything that I wanted out of life more than for the ones I cared about to be happy. Now I wasn't talking about the little chuckle that would escape when someone told you a joke. No, I meant true happiness. The kind you feel when you wake up late on a Saturday morning wrapped in your bed sheets as snow falls from the sky creating a clean slate. The kind of unadulterated bliss that isn't shown by a smile on your face but by the warmth in your heart. It's like being able to wear your favorite pair of jeans that fit just right and having that one song you can't get out of your head come through the speakers as you turn the radio on. True happiness is like a random Tuesday afternoon when the sun is high in the sky and there is a slight breeze blowing through the trees as you curl up with classic book by the pond. It was all of these things and more rolled into one and if I could have handed it out like liquid sunshine I would have. I wanted them to be happy, for _him_ to be happy, even if it meant that my own life was nothing more than mediocre.

I don't know why I tortured myself by going back to the same bar where we met every weekend. I'd like to say it was because it was the only bar in town and the amber liquid gave me the strength to get through another week without him. Maybe it was so I could see that I made the right decision and reaffirm my reasons for leaving. Either way every time I pulled into the parking lot I was filled with memories of our past.

***Flashback***

"_C'mon, we're twenty one, we're hot, and you need to get laid," Marie stated as she pulled the bottom of my t-shirt down trying to show off more of my cleavage. I let out a deep breath as we entered the smoke filled bar and she nudged me with her elbow. "Smile, bitch, a guy isn't going to want to fuck you if you look like you could cry at any minute. You need to be confident and take control of the situation. For tonight only, anything goes."_

"_Marie…"_

"_Don't give me any of your bullshit excuses, Gabriella. We're young, we're supposed to make mistakes and wake up next to some douche that you'd rather die than wake him up when you crawl out of bed the next morning. Now, remember, you flirt with the bartender for stronger drinks and cheaper prices but you never actually sleep with him." She pulled me closer to her like she was about to let me in on some big secret. "And last but not least, don't call me tomorrow unless you are going to be dishing out details."_

_It wasn't long until she had latched onto some biker and she gave me a subtle wink as she ran her hand up his tattooed arm. I wasn't opposed to having fun but picking up random guys at the bar wasn't my cup of tea. Tonight was going to be different though, I was going to take Marie's advice and just let loose. I was entitled to a few careless moments in my life and really what was the worst that could happen? I stood at the bar, swaying my hips to the music that played, not really paying attention to anything around me except the silent conversation going on in my head._

_Someone whistled before announcing, "You could fit that ass on a nickel." I hadn't realized they were talking about me until there was a hand in my back pocket and I was turned around to meet the face of the man that wore a sloppy grin on his face. "Damn, sugar, you paint these jeans on just for little ol' me?"_

_My first thought was to knee him in the balls for touching me without permission but Marie's words resounded in my head and I decided to play along. I sucked in a breath through my teeth and shook my head, "I don't know that depends." _

_I could have said the bar was on fire and I'm pretty sure his gaze would have never shifted from my breasts. I took the moment to really take a good look at him and had to admit I could do much worse. I was automatically drawn in by his bare, defined arms that had me caged in and his baby blue eyes but it was his cocky attitude that had a heat pooling between my legs._

"_Mmm, mmm, mmm," he muttered to himself running his tongue over his bottom lip._

_It was now or never and I let the alcohol give me the boost of confidence I needed. "You want to get out of here?"_

***Present***

I'm not ashamed to say I never found out his name until the next morning and there was someone knocking on his front door calling it out. Whoever she was to him didn't look too pleased as I exited the house with visible marks from our escapades. But when you're young you're supposed to drive fast and take chances because you only live once. It was assumed to be a one night stand, some random fuck to quench the thirst, but somewhere along the way it turned into so much more.

I walked through the familiar wooden door that had been replaced a few years back after a fight had broken out. Nothing ever really changed though, the faces got older and the music got a little louder but it would always feel like home. Bradley had the top popped off my beer and was pouring my shot of whiskey before I even made it up to the bar. "Long week, sweetheart?"

"And getting longer," I responded, nodding my head in appreciation as I took both over to my usual booth. He'd start a tab that would end up magically being cut in half by the time I went to pay so I always made sure to leave a few extra bills sitting on the table.

It was amazing how much a random booth in a shit town in the middle of Georgia could make me feel at ease. If you had told me back then that this was how my life was going to end up I would have laughed in your face. It was too easy to get lost in the dreams of being something more. They say all it takes is a little luck and a lot of hard work but in reality it depends on the cards you're dealt. I didn't aspire to be a secretary at a dead end job but it was what paid the bills.

I tossed back the whiskey and welcomed the warmth as I felt the burn deep inside of me. The sky opened up and rain fell from the sky in deafening sheets. I watched the storm out the window until my eyes landed on the bullet Merle had carved into the table years ago.

***Flashback***

_Merle sat next to the window in the booth with an arm lazily around my shoulders as I leaned into him. My hand worked the muscles in his leg without really thinking about it while Marie sat across from us with piles of magazines littering the table._

"_Don't you fucking laugh at me, Gabriella," Marie snarled as she tossed another magazine in front of me. "Let's see how well you handle planning a wedding when you're the one getting married."_

_Merle snorted and shook his head as he kept widdling away at the table, "Ain't gotta worry 'bout that."_

_Marie started ranting on about the flowers she wanted or something but I toned her out as I felt a pang in my heart. Marriage had never come up before and I wasn't ready to put on any white gowns but I assumed eventually it would happen. We weren't technically living together but I couldn't tell you the last time he hadn't stayed the night at my place. I never imagined myself with anyone else and the thought of another woman's hands on him made my blood boil. _

_Merle moved his thumb on my shoulder to get my attention and I blinked a few times trying to clear my mind. "Did ya hear that, Gab? Open bar. Now that's my kind of party."_

***Present***

The door of the bar swung open and I felt that same pain in my chest all these years later. It was hard to see him with an arm draped across another woman's shoulders as they took up a booth on the other side of the bar. She'd lean into him as she laughed at whatever sarcastic comment rolled off his tongue and he'd slightly puff his chest out in pride.

My booth suddenly felt like it was swallowing me up sitting all by myself and I tried sipping on my beer to get my mind on something other than him. Her laughter hit my ears and I chanced a look in their direction. It was then I knew I made the right decision when I no longer saw the demons dancing on his shoulders.

Our eyes met from across the bar and for the briefest of moments my world stopped. I would like to say that by the memories swimming in his eyes his did too but I couldn't be certain the ones he was remembering were good ones. Part of me wanted to be selfish. I would walk across the bar, our eyes never once wavering from one another until I was standing right in front of him. Then without hesitation I'd take his face in my hands as I kissed him. The cracks in my heart would start to mend as I sucked the soul from his body. We would try to make it work but it would be as useless as a broken rubber band. We would try to hold our relationship together with safety pins because it would too painful to just walk away again. That flame that was supposed to burn like an inferno when you were around one another would barely spark over time leaving us burnt and full of ashes.

I left a few folded bills under my glass as I got up from the booth, his gaze trailing my every move. I could have gone over and he would have given me anything I wanted. Instead I offered him a small smile before stepping out into the rain. I'd take the cold lonely nights in my big empty bed for the rest of my life if it meant I could see him happy. The rain soaked into my clothes, my hair plastering to my face, but with a sigh I started my walk home.

I probably wouldn't be remembered after I passed away, not having done anything award winning, but I'd always remember the true happiness I was able to give to Merle by letting him go.


End file.
